little miss Joy ♥

Our best Gift to children

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Whenever I'm at family shows watching parents and their children coming forth to enjoy performance, I always feel this simple bliss and happiness lingering within me.

It's always heartening to see the scenes where parents, clad in their working attires, hold on to their darlings' hands and stroll into the arena. This demonstrates that they are putting in effort by rushing to the show venue after work, with the sweet intention to help their children create this part of childhood memory, no matter how busy they are.

I saw little girls dressed in Cinderella and Snow White costumes, and couldn't help but wonder how my girl will look like if I doll her up similarly in future.

I saw a little boy playing animatedly with a fake but shiny Toy Story-robot hand fixed onto his right hand, and couldn't help but wonder how my boy will look like if I play those gadgets and indulge in masculine role-playing games with him in future.

As I watched the kids' reactions as their eyes stayed glued to the vibrancy on stage, I pondered about parenting.

Then I realised.

The best gift we can give to children is a carefree childhood with respect and enough room to imagine, create, fail, get up and succeed. The moment a child enters the world, he/she is literally on his/her own. The role of parents is to provide him/her with the basic necessities - food, shelter, education and correct moral values.

Other than that, the child should have the right to be given the chance to think independently, make his/her own decisions and bear with the consequences. Of course, parents have to serve the guiding role by analysing the possible scenarios with the child, acting as a facilitator, not a manipulator who over-impose his/her opinions (regardless of how accurate it is) onto the child.

A manipulated life deprived of the privilege to make choices for him/herself and learn by experience is a life no better than a pet. Philosopher Immanuel Kant once said that the differences between human as rational beings and animals are autonomy and humanity, the "ability to dictate their own actions by means of reason, absent of the duress of outside influence". Pampering the child by deciding his/her path ahead on behalf of him/her in the name of "for his/her own good" may allow the child to live comfortably, but it ultimately underestimates the child's humanity and robs the child's autonomy to take full responsibility of his/her life. That, is a sad and sympathetic life.

After all, wild plants grow healthier and taller in natural environments, while wild animals get to increase their chance of survival by improving on preying techniques. Try throwing a tamed animal, raised in comfortable settings, into the wild and see what happens next. The answer is obvious.

The excitement of life is about venturing into sensible areas we are personally truly interested in, striving to succeed, struggling to cope with challenges and failures, learning from mistakes and savouring the fruits of success.

Give our children their rightfully-gained quality of life by showing respect to the decisions they make and giving them enough room to grow their potential. Never threaten them into accepting a life that is built upon our own opinions.

Although they are our children, they inherit half of our genes (and half from our spouses), it is never necessary that they have to be like us. :)

11:11 PM | back to top

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